Warm up with a healthy cranberry apple crisp on a cold winter day: It’s easy to make with wholesome ingredients and tastes absolutely amazing!
Christmas cookie smells wafting through every kitchen… And you can’t even have a single one.
Do you know what it feels like to eat super healthy during the holidays? I can tell you how: Pretty crappy, actually. But not necessarily because of the cookies I couldn’t have.
Remember how I decided to do this whole gut healing thing? What can I say… It’s been a very eye-opening challenge.I knew it would be extra hard for me to do something like this whole gut healing protocol thing, because I get caught up in my old behaviours so fast. I always tell Brani that I spend my life following Mad Eye Moody’s advice: Constant vigilance!(If you didn’t get that, you need to go to the library and grab all seven Harry Potter books and only come back here once you’ve read them. I’ll wait.)Constant vigilance that I do not go down the rabbit hole of restricted eating again. And he’s always on the watch, too – with my eating disordered past, I get that he doesn’t want me to go back there, ever.
Truthfully, I’m on the same page. Eating disorders suck.
When I set off on this journey 6 weeks ago, I really, really believed that I’d be fine and eight weeks later my insides would tolerate all the yummy brownie cookies and gingerbread men again.
But then it happened…
But alas, both mine and Brani’s vigilance meter acted with about a two week delay. I first realised that my insomnia was getting worse again. Usually a surefire thing that tells me I’m unwell.
And then over the last weekend, in a heartfelt and emotional talk with my sweet husband, I figured out why I had been so anxious, uptight and sleepless again: I was going there. The rabbit hole. All the way down.
It’s not easy to be that honest with yourself when it comes to topics such as ethics, animal welfare or saving the planet. It’s even harder for me to say what I’m about to say, but really? My mental health is more important to me.
I will definitely never be the kind of girl who buys tons of processed foods or artificial ingredients. In fact, I’d love most to live self-sufficiently with a huge garden, a flock of chickens and a pair of goats.Pass the boots and gathering apron, please.But a diet that cuts out entire food groups? (And yes, sugar is a food group.)
It’s just not in it for me.
Despite all of that…
… I want to share this healthy apple crisp recipe with you today. Why? I don’t know. In memory of my effort to feel and look better, which, ironically, made me feel even worse?
But ultimately, it has given me an immense feeling of power, because I realised what was going on AND made the very difficult decision to consciously stop playing with my mental health.
So, there you have it. This recipe, this post, it’s a landmark (internet server mark?) for my ability to pull my own head out of the sand.
Also, I love crisps. I only share one about every month (see here, here and here for proof). One time I even made a savory one!
I know I have a not-so-healthy Apple Crisp Recipe, too, but this is one made without any refined ingredients. I wrote the recipe for Food Fanatic a while ago, and if I’d make it now I’d probably use butter instead of the coconut oil called for.
That way, apart from the spices, you really have a chance of buying everything locally – and if you don’t happen to have a maple tapping neighbour (I definitely don’t), using honey instead makes for an easy swap.
One more thing:
As I’m saying this, it is super important to me to stress this over and over again: If you ever decide to go through this madness of gut healing, promise me that you won’t do what I did. Promise me that you won’t follow the white rabbit.
Your mental wellness is not worth the darkness that comes with obsessive behaviors.
And always eat all the cookies during Christmas time. Always. ♡
This recipe was first published on Food Fanatic.